Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Whine and Neuroses

I wish I had made up that title, and as far as I consciously remember, I did. But a Google search tells me it's not new. Sigh. Is anything new? Can you truly create anything not done, in some very similar way, before?

A couple days after the craft event and I'm experiencing my usual after-show crisis of faith that I have any idea what I'm doing with this crafty business. Why don't more people buy more of my things? Why can't *I* get people to crowd around my booth? Is my stuff junk? Is it ugly? Too expensive? Not expensive enough (and thus lacking cache)? Why hers and not mine? Why that and not this? Am I alone in my [sometimes] unrelenting insecurity and unconfidence? Even when I have real success at a show, I still have nagging feelings of self-doubt.

So, the question is, how does one get past the need for outside validation and just, well, do it? And since I'm embarking on a commercial venture, isn't outside validation the culmination? Don't I, indeed, *need* that validation in more than an emotional way? Have I chosen a path that will constantly challenge my notions of self-worth? Will I ever be sanguine about the process and be able to just enjoy what happens? I'd like to think that optimism is my overarching state of mind, but when I'm down kind of low, like now, it's hard to muster up that hopefulness.

Do lots of artists feel this way? Surely I'm not alone.

No comments: