I thought yesterday would be bad because I went to work with a bit of a hangover and not enough sleep. Surprisingly, things went pretty smoothly even though I was tired. I thought today would be cake. I was wrong. The fact that I'm training at a store I'm not going to end up in has something to do with it, I think, because no one there really cares as they won't have to deal with me after a certain time. Today it wasn't clear who was my coach nor did I have a clue who was working as the floor manager since everyone on the floor except for a trainee works in that position at one time or another. Because I don't know who the boss is today, I'm a little befuddled right from the start. Then the person who (for the moment anyway) is helping me, is hovering nervously, commenting on nearly every movement I make. Which makes me do stuff wrong, slow or both. Then another person (who has been my boss the last couple of shifts) asks me to get something for her that's not specifically what I'm training on. I have the time so I do it. When I'm done the person who is apparently the floor manager today gives me a little lecture about how I wasn't supposed to leave my station. Are you fucking kidding me?
On top of everything else, it's pretty clear that there's something going on that has everyone on edge. I really don't know what it is, but it involves cutting hours and staffing and who knows what else. So, there's a tension in the air. Unhappily, I am very sensitive to the currents of unrest and tension so I pick up on it and I'm doubly stressed. For about the millionth time in my life, I fervently wish I was not such an empath. While it can come in handy in my personal life, in the workplace it's nothing but a gigantic pain in the ass. I'm trying to do my job and mostly everyone is fine, but these waves of pissed off feelings are in the air and I'm fighting back tears because I'm feeling so overwhelmed. Unfortunately for me, once the tears come to the forefront, my face turns red, even if I can hold back the tears. No one said anything though, so perhaps no one noticed.
Then I find out that I don't even know where I'm going to be next week. Let me tell you, I am NOT cut out for meeting whole new crews of people every couple weeks. This is taking just about every bit of energy I have. I feel like I can never get into any kind of a rhythm and I'll always be the new girl/interloper who's not hanging around to be worth getting to know.
And to top everything off, I haven't even gotten a fucking check yet. Haven't even seen a financial reward for all this mess.
I need a lottery ticket. Let me clarify: A winning lottery ticket.