Sunday, December 28, 2008

All my daydreams are disasters/She's the one I think I love/Rivers burn and then run backwards/For her, that's enough

Gah. Post-Christmas blues blow. Is that what I have? Or do I have end-of-the-year-and-what-do-I-have-to-show-for-it assessment blues?

If I'm to be completely honest with myself, I will admit that I have the oh-shit-I-have-to-find-a-job-and-I-have-no-idea-what-I-can-do blues. It doesn't help that I'm going to be job searching at a time and in a city that has thousands of recently laid off folks in the employee pool. And seriously, I don't even know what I can do anymore. I feel like this almost three year absence from the office environment has left me woefully behind in the skills I might need. Not to mention the panic I feel at being restricted to that Monday through Friday, 9-5 work schedule. But can I bear a retail environment again? There has to be a better option than the strain and stress of my Big Espresso experience, right? Surely a privately owned business would be better, nurturing even. Now, to just find one of these lovely nurturing environments that will hire me.

Why hasn't the universe handed me an opportunity yet? Do you mean to say I'm going to have to actually make an effort? I'm kidding, of course. But only slightly. Hey, Universe? Waiting for that perfect job. Any day now, all right?

So, today I've been moping, whether about the job situation or not, I'm really not sure. Don't you just have days where nearly everyone you encounter fails, somehow, to live up to what you want and/or need from them? The question then becomes, is it you or is it them? And does it matter when the result is the same unsettled dissatisfaction? The only good part? It's usually short-lived, that feeling of wrongness.

At any rate, perhaps a night of sleep will cure what ails me. And as I have to get up and maintain a certain amount of cheer to entertain two or three people on the radio, I should probably not add to my blue mood by not getting enough sleep.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll be a bundle of joy and I'll post some happy thoughts and cute photos. Perhaps.

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